In Which the Author and the Musketeers Go Crazy
by Perilous Mango Ninja
Summary: See the title. I love making fun of stuff. I don't know why... It's just fun! Plus it makes people happy! So enjoy! Oh, and by the way, yes, I am crazy, and I am addicted to jellybeans and anything that contains sugar.


Make fun of the four musketeers

Author's Note:I'm making fun of the three musketeers.Oh, no, wait!There are FOUR of them.D'Artagnan, Athos, Porthos, and Aramis!So there.Inaccurately titled book.*wink*Anyways, yea... I'm making fun of them.It's more fun than saying how heroic they are.If I said how heroic they are, my story would go like this:

It was a bright, happy day.The Cardinal and his men came out and bonked our heroes, D'Artagnan, Porthos, Athos, and Aramis, on their heads with pumpkins that broke because of their very thick skulls.They unsheathed their swords, screamed, "All for one, and one for all!" and dueled with them until all of the Cardinal's men were bloody and dead.Joy spread throughout the universe.They were so heroic.

THE END

Author's Note: (continued) There, now wasn't that a nice story?Nice and boring, just the way you like it.But no, I want to write more, so you're going to listen to me degrade them further.I hope you enjoy my poking fun at them.Keep in mind that I LOVE them, really, but I make fun of almost everything, so, I MUST make fun of them too.This happens whenever you want, but they haven't separated yet, so... yea... WHO WILL BE MY NEXT VICTIM?????MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Porthos was busy applying lipstick and eye shadow when there was a knock on his door.Leaving his rouge smeared across his nose, he went to answer it.It was Bob the Eskimo.(A/N: I like the name Bob, so I use it for a lot of characters)When Bob the Eskimo saw him, he pointed, laughed, and said, "You women so vain."(A/N: With a funny accent, too!!) Then Porthos realized that (DUN DUN DUN!)he didn't know what an Eskimo was.So he closed the door, leaving poor Bob the Eskimo outside.But Bob the Eskimo went to bother Bob the Other Eskimo.They had fun.Porthos painted his face using eye shadow as lipstick and vice versa.(A/N: As you could probably imagine, he looked kind of weird.And by the way, it was purple eyeshadow.*Author cracks up at the mental image.Yes, Author IS crazy.So are you, to read this fic.But don't worry.Crazy is good.Sane is bad*) So Porthos walked out onto the street, shaking his Big Beer Belly. (A/N: Note capital letter.)

"What a wonderful-" Alas, poor Porthos was cut off by a large barrel crashing into his blown up head and deflating it.He went to the bar with his messed up make-up.Everybody pointed at him and laughed.He stayed anyways, resisting peer pressure.(A/N: Ahh... He's a strong one, he is!Standing up to his peers!*Author is "proud" of Porthos but still thinks he looks stupid.Porthos is offended, but Author is too busy laughing her insane head off to notice.)Porthos is now not happy and we will move on to Aramis* We now leave Porthos with a smaller ego and travel to our good buddy Aramis because we like him, don't we?(A/N: If you don't... I can't do anything about it.But we're going to talk about Aramis now anyways.SO THERE!I'm the author, and you aren't!!!HAHAHAHHAHA!I'M SO FUNNY!!!I CRACK MYSELF UP!OK, I'll shut up now so you can keep reading.)

Aramis woke up.His servant asked him what he would like to eat for breakfast.

"NO!"Aramis shuddered, "Breakfast is sinful!"

So he went hungry and stepped outside, forgetting to remove his choo-choo train jammies.Everybody pointed at him and laughed.He told them it was a sin and went to the bar to meet everybody else.Porthos was there with his deflated head, now-puny ego, and painted face.But moving on to D'Artagnan...

D'Artagnan woke up on a cheerful day.Not realizing what he was doing, he put his rather large hat on his feet (A/N: Yep.All 24,875 of them!I'm so proud of my boy!*Beams proudly*) his pants on his head, used his sword for pants, and put his shirt on.(A/N: DO NOT ATTEMPT AT HOME.D'ARTAGNAN IS A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL) He then buckled his shoes to his belt.As he journeyed to the bar, he met up with 248,756,384,756 of the Cardinal's Guard!But was our hero reluctant?NO!!!!He pulled off his trusty shoes and fought them, one by one until they all had gum on their faces.(And you know that's not possible, because THEY DIDN'T HAVE GUM BACK THEN!)So now we move on to Athos.(Author likes Athos)

Athos woke up.He changed into his musketeers uniform.He went outside.A horse ran over him.He hit it using his trusty overcooked noodles.The horse ran over him again.He hit it using his trusty overcooked noodles.The horse ran over him again.He hit it using his trusty overcooked noodles.The horse ran over him again.He hit it using his trusty overcooked noodles.The horse ran over him again.He hit it using his trusty overcooked noodles.The horse ran over him again.He hit it using his trusty overcooked noodles.The horse ran over him again.He hit it using his trusty overcooked noodles.He then went to the bar.

So they met at the bar, Porthos with his deflated head and messed-up makeup, Aramis still hungry (because breakfast is sinful) and still in his choo-choo train jimmies, D'Artagnan with his strange uniform *wink*, and Athos with his trusty overcooked noodle.They were soon called to the king.

"Now, my beloved trusty musketeers," said the king, who was wearing a pair of purple boxers with orange and lime green hearts all over it, "You must find out who has stolen the Royal Paper!Now go!And come back in three months!"

As they left, D'Artagnan asked, "What Royal Paper?I didn't know the king had Royal Paper..."

"SH!" hissed Athos, "We must be careful!The king is relying upon us to find him his Royal Paper!We shall go our separate ways, and meet back here to present him with his royal paper and tell him of our adventures!See you stinkers in three months!"

And they parted.And for three months, they searched for the Royal Paper.They searched in London; they searched in France.They even searched in someone's underpants.They all found some sort of Royal Paper to give the king at the end of the three months.

The king stared at them."Ahhh..." he said, "You must have my Royal Paper!!!"

Porthos began by presenting the king with paper that glinted of gold.

"Ooohhh... pretty!" exclaimed the king.

Porthos began, "Milord, I have searched London.I have searched France.I have searched someone's underpants. And I present you with none other than the Royal Paper, made of twenty-four karat gold, stolen by a page and sold across the border for 5,000 francs.I, being the courageous man I am, have hunted it down and brought it back to you, Your Majesty."

"Interesting.But not interesting enough.This is not my Royal Paper!TO THE DUNGEONS!!!" yelled the king.

Poor Porthos was dragged off to the dungeons.

Aramis presented the king with paper that glinted of silver.

"Oooohhhh... pretty!" exclaimed the king.

"Milord, I have searched London.I have searched France.I have searched someone's underpants.And I present you with none other than the Royal Paper, made of pure silver but still able to be written on with a normal pen.A lowly servant boy, whom I have already punished for you, stole it, and had it in his mind to sell it.He did not get far, milord.I have brought back for you, your Royal Paper!"Aramis exclaimed.

"What?!?!?!This is not my Royal Paper!TO THE DUNGEONS!!!" screamed the king.

Poor Aramis was dragged to the dungeons, screaming, "NO!!!THE DUNGEONS ARE SINFUL!!! NO!!!!!!"The sounds reverberated annoyingly, and soon Bob the Operator Guy turned off the speakers.He turned them back on after Aramis was in the dungeons (poor fellow).

Athos presented the king with paper studded with all kinds of precious gems, heavy but still usable.

"Ooooohhhh... pretty!" exclaimed the king.

"Milord, I have searched London.I have searched France.I have searched someone's underpants.And I present you with none other than the Royal Paper, made with none but the best papyrus and studded with sapphires, rubies, topazes, opals, pearls, and emeralds, all top quality.It was stolen by a lowly kitchen maid, who needed the money desperately, so I gave her money and took back your Royal Paper, milord."

"Hey!This isn't my Royal Paper!TO THE DUNGEONS!"screeched the king.

Poor Athos was dragged down to the dungeons, whacking the guards with his overcooked noodle.They confiscated it.

D'Artagnan (Our stupid hero, but our hero) presented the king with (DUN DUN DUN!) a roll of toilet paper.

"Milord, I have searched London.I have searched France.I have searched someone's underpants.And I present you with none other than the Royal Paper, made with the softest materials for your pleasure, milord.Mr. Gablonkers, who was late for Language Arts because he was knocked unconscious by a falling walnut, stole it.He was revived by a veterinarian, who used a flaming pot of aluminum cans and a snorlonker."

"D'Artagnan, you have done it!THIS IS MY ROYAL PAPER!"

D'Artagnan was given a new hat for his troubles.He was very happy.

THE (REAL) END

I am eating my beloved JellyBelly's, which seem to have made me hyper, which is probably why I wrote this... But, well, yea... So I'm crazy.That's a good thing.At least I can amuse people with my craziness.

Disclaimer:I do not own the musketeers (Oh, I wish I owned Athos.Or D'Artagnan.Or Aramis.Not Porthos, though.I mean... I like Athos the best because he is capable of THINKING, but D'Artagnan is cool, too, even though I think he's kind of stupid.Aramis is cool, but just WAY too good... it's, like, other-worldish or something.Porthos is annoying.He's dumb, too.I don't like him.) or the king.Athos owns the overcooked noodles.The king owns the roll of toilet paper and the weird boxers.Porthos owns the makeup.Aramis owns the choo-choo train jammies.I don't want them anymore.I do, however, own Bob the Eskimo, Bob the Other Eskimo, and Bob the Operator Guy.The stupid plot is also mine.All the corny humor is mine.Now please review.Or, if you are too freaked out by my insanity, please hold out your hand and bonk yourself on the head.Have a nice day!!!


End file.
